i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
