question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
worst night to have a conscience
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
