RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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