I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
