I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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