friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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