I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
