I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
