Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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