I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
