Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
