Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
