We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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