I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
