I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
