I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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