He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
