Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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