It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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