the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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