i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
