a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.