I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.