I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.