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summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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