1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
