Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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