Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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