He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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