either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
