Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
