his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
