I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
