found the other keg... it's in the tree
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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