I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
