I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
