I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize