I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
