We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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