mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
