Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
