That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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