even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
