Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
