Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize