You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
