Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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