Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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