dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
