I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
