Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
