well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
