no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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