Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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