the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So squirting runs in the family.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
