I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need a beard to bite.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
