Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
