garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
