I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
