it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
