There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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