I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize