I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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