yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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