Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
