I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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