oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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