even my farts smell like vagina
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
