If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
