were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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