I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize