I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
