I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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