The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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