I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
