you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Someone shattered a urinal.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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